Oh…ho..ho…ho…..you think its funny? You think it’s a joke?

No..no..no…no…its deadly real…deadly real.

The Hungarian mafia, is one of the worlds most feared crime syndicates. The KGB was scared of them, that’s how tough they were, sorry…how tough they are…

Okay, I hear you say, give me some proof! With pleasure.

Recently I have been allowed to follow and document the Budapest wing of the Magyar Mafia. Known as the Pokol (meaning Hell) Raisers.

The three main Pokol Raisers, or The PR clan, as they are also known*, consist of Norbi; the planner, Attila; the Driver and Matthias; the executer. *These names have been changed

Firstly Matthias, the executer. He is one hard, crazy man. He told me that when he was young he used to wrestle wild dogs for food. Then shoot them.

He has a scar on the side of his face, although I never asked, I assume that at some point, one person tried to cut out his eye.

He executes, or is responsible for the ‘Larger’ hits. He boasts that he was responsible for the death of Kennedy, but seeing how he was born in 1977, I found that highly unlikely, nevertheless I chose not to argue.

Next is Norbi, the planner. He is always on the phone, as can be seen here. It is with this that he communicates with affiliate gangs, such as the Magy agric hegedius Arras (Roughly translated it means Chitty Shitty Shoot Bang) who are responsible for most of the lesser targets, usually consisting of  Postmen and Janitors.

Last, but certainly not least is Attila, the Driver. He was the most friendly of the trio. Always pulling funny faces and talking funny. However not until recently did I find out he is actually a stroke victim, although he never seemed to mind me laughing.

Basically he is responsible for driving Matthias to the location of the hit, then driving the “carcass” to the disposal point (Usually behind the Blugindock Fields, home to Hungary’s annual Star Trek convention)

I stayed with and followed them around for several weeks, here they are with “The Don”, Hungary’s meanest crime-lord and most successful Lenny Henry impersonator.

Yes, I followed them around and wrote about their antics, mainly for two reasons. One,  because they wished to let the world know of their operations and two, I would be killed if I refused.

Yes if you are interested in finding out more about them you can read the upcoming book on the Pokol Raisers, available from selected Woolworths stores and Most Lubitoriums.

Most, infact all of this is entirely fictional and most probably crap. All photos have been doctored. Except that guy really does look like Lenny Henry doesn’t he?? Oh and Attila is not a stroke victim, he just pulls funny faces….