Today it was hot… I don’t mean “this is slightly uncomfortable” I mean hot as in “ my shoes were melting” kind of hot…..

I went out today, into the city. There were department stores there that had the same temperature as Iceland. They must have bloody turbines as their air conditioner. I mean you have to brace yourself when the sliding doors open its that powerful.

Aside from the Freezing department store, every where was hot. And I mean Hot. You couldn’t go to the beach because of the highly concentrated uv rays (thanks Ozone!). Death at the beach comes not from drowning, or shark attacks its bloody skin cancer. You get redder than a big bloody tomato.

Its so uncomfortable you start to stick to couches.  Your clothes stick to you. Fly’s stick to you. Even those annoying German wind-screen washers start to circle you. The heat is unbearable, but what makes it bearable is the fact that no matter where you are, they’ll always be a Mr. Whippy ice cream van near you……

The keyword there is “near". They are never actually where you are.  You can hear them. That annoying jingle. “Dun dun da dun da da dun dun dun da da dun dun dun de dun dun  dun dun ”. They delight in deviousness. You run outside and its either down the street, or on the street running parallel. Its never there.

You see kids running back and forth up and down the road, holding their hand to their ears trying to place the exact location of the Mr. Whippy. Bloody ice cream vans.

“you know an ice cream would go down really well right about now..”

Only today I was running down streets trying to find it.. And then that’s when I saw it. I think he saw me, and he decided to turn away from me. Does he actually like selling ice creams? Or is he just so perverted that he likes to see people running after him?

“Perhaps he didn't see me????"

You would need to give chase in a high speed performance tank to stop them. They are unstoppable. Plus they always take backstreets so they can avoid traffic and red lights.  I have the theory that they actually send out phantom trucks.

Phantom Trucks are of course unmarked sedans that belt out the Mr. Whippy Jingle around neighborhoods purely to mess people up. Those Bastards.

So I say, if you want an ice-cream go to your local corner store and get one. But if you want some soft –served gelati, well I’m afraid your screwed.